Frequently Asked Questions

My goal is to be as helpful as I can be to those in need during a very difficult time.  I am willing to assist a client or their caregiving team with just about anything that needs to be done, including (and not limited to):

• Discussion about death - getting comfortable with it, addressing questions and concerns, before or after terminal diagnosis
• Making a vigil plan - Detailed discussion of how to acheive a "good death", from who should be there, who shouldn't, location, creature comforts like food, music, lighting, scents etc.
• Help maintaining your household
• Swedish death cleaning
• Tie up loose ends/Bucket List items 
• Legacy work (memory book, recordings, letters etc.)
• Sitting vigil - Being present and a calm, experienced presence when the time comes
• Home Care Aide duties providing daily living assistance like cooking, cleaning, dressing, grooming, bed transfers, dispensing medications, shopping, travel to appointments, companionship, respite for caregivers

I work alongside hospice as part of a client's care team.  Hospice can get the ball rolling by helping sort out basics like a hopsital bed and comfort medicines but they cannot provide the time and support many people need when things become a challenge.

These are very common questions with clear legal regulations.

A client qualifies for Medical Aid in Dying (MAID) through the state’s Death with Dignity Act if they are at least 18 years old, a Washington State resident, of sound mind and capable of making informed healthcare decisions, and diagnosed with a terminal disease expected to cause death within 6 months. Click here to visit the Washington State Department of Health’s Frequently Asked Questions about Death With Dignity.

The legal process requires a client to make two oral requests with their qualified medical provider at least seven days apart, as well as submitting a signed and dated document (with two witnesses) to be approved for the so-called “cocktail”.

The critical thing about the “cocktail” is that a client must be able to administer it to themselves, as it is one of the greatest personal choices one can make in their lifetime.  Death doulas and/or hospice will not administer medicine that will end a life but may be on hand when a client is actively dying, providing care, comfort and guidance to someone who has taken the medicine.

Drinking the “cocktail” may not be as easy as it seems and timing is important so the opportunity is not missed.  Following through with this choice requires a certain level of physical ability that can be compromised by failing health, such as difficulty holding a cup, having trouble swallowing or worsening dementia, to name a few common complications.

The other, far more common method of ending life is through the Voluntary Stopping of Eating and Drinking (VSED). It’s a natural, primal choice made by humans and animals alike. Many people end up not eating or drinking simply because they do not feel like taking in any more sustenance, or are unable to do so for medical reasons. However some people choose VSED as a method of personal control while they are still alert and before they’re bedbound.  Like with the “cocktail”, the timing depends on a person’s will and ability to follow through.  VSED requires a lot of support and can be very difficult for the uninitiated; the process can be harder the first few days if one is unprepared.  Hospice cannot encourage VSED but will care for clients who have made that choice.  VSED is legal in all 50 states.

The VSED Handbook by Kate Christie is a short, easy read available in multiple formats.  In this practical guide, Christie documents the process her family experienced after her mother decided to opt out of the end stages of Alzheimer’s.

VSED Resources Northwest is a Western Washington group who has put together a very helpful website to increase awareness of VSED as an option.

I have been a death doula for 25+ years, long before I heard the term and leaned into it.  My upringing in South Texas was full of the Day of the Dead culture, which I believe gave me a respect and interest in end of life issues. This pairs nicely with my deeply held feelings about personal liberty and having control until the end.

I realized I am drawn to this while others are repelled, so here I am, ready to serve.